Saturday, December 5, 2015


Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, has been made an honorary member of the Australian Party for Freedom after an article published in Die Gute Rassistische Journal
   ‘My admiration for Herr Nicholas Folkes is grenzenlos und ohne Limit’, wrote the Professor. ‘I am not surprised at the admiration in which he is held by all patriotic Australians for his defence of his country. A true Patriot he has rightly earned the respect of all the right-thinking Australians (the so-called  “Dinkum Aussies” as we Germans call them) presently attending our university under the Dr Goebbels Gedenkstipendium scheme, who have kindly collected the funds to enable me to fly to Sydney immediately in order to present myself at the insurrection to be organised at Cronulla to commemorate the celebrated ‘Riot for Freedom’ which took place there ten years ago. Arnis University has allowed me to borrow the celebrated Helmet and Spear of Wotan (Wotans Helm und Lanze) from the Museum of Fascist Thought, to bring with me to parade at the Meeting.’
  With a twinkle in his steel-blue eyes, Professor Strabismus promised: ‘These are symbols only, though should they accidentally come in contact with the head of the schmutzigen linken Verräter [filthy left-wing traitors] I fear there may be bloodshed; however my intentions, like those of the Herr Dr Folkes, will be entirely  unschuldig [innocent] and highly friedlich.’
   While he is in Australia Professor Strabismus says that he ‘hopes to take afternoon tea with Mr Folkes and his very good friend the schöne reine arische Dame Pauline Hanson’, and has brought with him a cake decorated in the Arnis University kitchen with the legend: Mit aller Linke Schweine. [Translation omitted for fear of giving offence: Ed.]
Reference: Die Gute Rassistische Journal (University of Arnis, Vol. xxi, p.7 -  €5).

Monday, November 30, 2015


In the current issue of Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, reveals why Japanese whaling in the southern hemisphere is not only defensible but should be supported by every responsible Government.
   ʽI have received highly secret information from my distinguished colleague Professor Nikitini Funi, Professor of Geheime Whaling at the University of Utaskinai, Sorachi Sub-Prefecture, Hokkaido, which he believes I should release to the wider world to contradict the assertion that Japanese whaling is not devoted to korrekte Forschung. On the contrary, over two hundred students at the University of Utaskinai have over the past ten years consumed over seven thousand kilos of whale meat as part of ongoing Forschung into the problem of human Aufstoßen,  known in vulgären englischen Sprache, as the ʽburpingʼʽ
   Dr Strabismus asserts that his Japanese colleague is about to publish results which show indisputably (unbestreitbar) that the consumption of whale meat has no effect upon human flatulence. ʽNo-one can fail to see the enormen Wert of this conclusion,ʼ he writes, ʽor contend that the deaths of thousands of whales has been without value.‘
  It appears that Professor Funi’s next project is to examine the effect of the over-consumption of whale meat on the auditory nerve: he contends that when a human has eaten more than a tonne of whale meat in a single year, he is completely unable to hear music played in the key of E flat.
  ʽI call on all men of guter Wille to cease this stupid campaign against whaling, and to support the important reserach for the furtherance of which our colleagues in Japan depend on the deaths of these dumm und nutzlos Tiere,ʼ he writes.
  For further informantion please consult the Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten, pp.374-5. columns 1114-1744, issue No. 47 of November 28, 2015, published University of Arnis at €400.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015


Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, has voiced his support for Premier Mike Baird in an article in today’s issue of the Arnis weekly Unglaubliche Dummheit.
   ʽThe Herr Professor Premier Baird’s sale of the New South Wales electricity business to a group of foreign investors is a magnificent tribute to his erstaunlich guten Sinnʼ, writes Dr Strabismus. ʽBut he should not stop there! The next step must be to sell the NewSouth Wales Government, complete with officials and Members of Parliament. My brother -in-law Herr Erstaunliche Schmidt has the good fortune to be the Honorary Consul of Arnis in Socorro in Mexico, the centre of the country’s soft toy manufacturing industry, and through the Zwischenstufe of the Mayor, Herr Rudolph Exil (Gauleiter of Munich, 1939-45, now naturalised Mexican) is empowered to offer the Herr Professor Baird a sum equivalent to $1500 for the New South Wales Govenment, abgeschlossen.
   ʽThisAnordnung securely completed, the next step must be the sale of the Federal Government, which I am assured can probably be effected for a lesser sum. Unfortunately the rebate offered during the Herrshaft of the late Premierminister Herr A. Abbott cannot now be effective, and a more considerable sum must apply.ʼ
   We understand that the Mexican Ambassador in Canberra is in touch with Miss Gottsieliebe
Klinsky, at present a cleaner in the office of Herr Eric Abetz, absolute Steuerung of Tasmania, who will act as intermediary in any consultations which may folllow Professor Strabismus’s suggestion.

Sunday, November 15, 2015


Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, commented yesterday in the Arnis Meinung Idioten on the view expressed by Mr Donald Trump that if the French all carried guns the trauma of the recent terrorist attack would have been averted.
   ‘It is unzweifelhafte Tatsache  that has been spoken by the good Trump. In the face of the present situation all citizens of every country must be issued with complimentary guns by their Governments. As President and CEO of the Kalishnikov Society of Arnis I find it unquestioneably the fact of which the good Candidate speaks.
   ʽHowever it is clear that this is not an ausreichend respond, and I would further commend the idea expressed by my friend and colleague the Herr Professor of Armaments Dr Leonhart Füffenbecken, which is that international governments should commission the provision of small individual bombs to be given to each citizen. The design of such terror preventative implements has much improved lately, and they could be made available in different colours, for the schöne Damen, and of suffcient smallness to be carried conveniently in the handbag or the gentleman’s Aktentasche. Each would be capable of completely destroying everything in the immediate vicinity of its bearer, and it is clear that any terrorist contemplating ein unangenehmer ation would be thus instantly deterred, in realisation that his destruction – before he had time himself to detonate a personal device – would result in the removal of all hopes of his being attended after his demise by the promised 47 köstliche und erotische weibliche Mädchen.ʼ
   Dr Strabismus has stated a Waffen für Alle – ʼWeapons for All‘ fund to which anyone may contribute by sending cheques (made out to Träger, or ʽBearerʼ) and sent c/o the Meinung Idioten, 101 Idiotisch-strasse, Arnis.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Breast-feeding in Parliament


Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, commented yesterday on the reported suggestion that breast-feeding should be permitted in the Australian House of Representatives.
ʽIs the necessary and natürliche thing in todayʼs politischen Lebenʼ, he wrote. ʽIt must be demanded to take this further. The changing of babies must be permitted, with the Dump-Bins readily accessible for the disposal of Abfallstoffe. Moreover, since the bodily functions are now increasingly zulässig, why should we not renew the custom as in Imperial Rome of installing rows of Wasser-Schränke [water-closets] so that the Government may be carried on without the necessity to leave the Chamber for natural functions? There may be some difficulty when a member suddenly wishes to rise to comment on discussion, but it is undoubted that a tactful aversion of the eyes would be emploued by honourable members whose own business is incomplete. ʼ
It is understood that the Herr Professor has written privately to both the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition pressing them for their opinions.
-           Zeitung des Stillens, Arnis, November 10.

Monday, October 26, 2015

Meat causes cancer?

Interesting follow-up to the contention that eating meat casuses cancer:

German University Revelation
Dr Heinz Strabismus, Proffessor Emerius of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, sprang today to the defence of the Australian sausage.
‘The idea that this so exzellent meat has any effect upon the health is an unverschämte Dummheit,ʼ he declared. ʽI have sausages sent each week by Herren David Jones of Sydney and consume them regularly, and my Gesundheit is the envy of the population of Arnis.'
This declartion follows his announcement last week that ‘It is now absolut verifizierbaren that eating strawberries results in deafness.‘
Asked whether he was stating this as a warning to refrain from consuming strawberries, he replied:‘Sicherlich! This Erdbeere is of all the fruits the most calamitous. We have discovered over many years research that innumerable persons over the age of 85 who suffer from increasing deafness have consumed the strawberries during their lifetime, and see the result! Es ist nicht zu leugnen!ʼ
Under pressure the Herr Doctor admitted that deafness in those of middle age was not as frequent as in the aged, but argued that this was because they could not afford sufficient quantities of strawberries. He advised those who could not refrain from the fruit to consume it with large quantities of rich cream This might result in death from heart disease, but he asked, ʽHave you ever heard of a dead person who has contracted deafness?ʼ
Woolworths and Coles are said to be independently courting Dr Strabismus as an international adviser on the relationship between food and health.

from the 'Arnis Unabhängige Echo' [Independent Echo] October 27 2015

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Hi gals - it's still a man's world!

Yes, my female friends   Two things  have hit home to me very recently.       A few days ago we were at Melbourne airport.  It was about four o'clock and there were at least thirty people waiting to check in at the business class gate for a flight to Sydney.   I looked at the queue.   It consisted of us and the rest were single travellors carrying their brief cases and their lap tops -obviously  having done a good day's business in Melbourne, and seemingly going home - or  to yet more meetings.   The whole queue consisted of men.   Looking around I actually saw two business women in line.   I thought, well we've come a long way, but we've sure got a hell of a way to go.   It's still a man's world!   The second incident is really dreadful.   Did you know that when new drugs are being researched and tested they are nearly always just tested on men?   There is considerable evidence that women do react differently  but this is largely ignored.   I have learned that the drug companies have many excuses.  The research would take far longer, and add  to thecost. Women  menstrate, get pragnant and there would be considerable risk to the feotus.     To quote one incident, occasionally  problems occur:  the sleeping pill 'Stillnox' was ony tested on men and it was recently discovered that women eliminate more slowly than  men, causing them to be less alert in the morning, and after taking the pill it has led to cases of  'sleep driving'!  Do these compainies not know that there are millions of us who don't mensttrate any more, who have well and truly have completed their families?     Most of us are all-together gals, physically fit and exercised, with every marble well in place where it should be - even if we are not be under thirty or whatever.    Or will this simply be yet another excuse to cut short important  important research which has impact on half the world's population?       Why not bring up this problem when being precribed a drug you've not experienced before?

Sunday, September 13, 2015

We Brits. . .

Hello Gals and Guys    Well yes we Brits. . . .You know we don't sing our own praises that often,   nor do we put our hands on our hearts every morning  as school starts and swear allegiance to the Queen and the flag;  and while we all love HM,really it's not just our way.   Of course we are more than merely excited, and probably feel somewhat smug, when we gather huge clusters of medals at Olympics and so on, but I do feel very strongly that there is one night every year when we can, and should  go O.T.T and be more than proud to be British.   This is the Last Night of the Proms!   I usually, burst into tears when 'Land of Hope and Glory' begins and that's just as it should be.   Glorious in more ways than one.   I have been present on several Last Nights and the atmosphere in the Hall is indescribable.  I remember slightly scolding a woman waving the EEC flag and in my best polite English way I did say 'Oh no not tonight please!'   Of course, we all know that the 'mighty' which is made much of in the inspiring lyrics of our national song, isn't what it was; but it's good to let the world know of our sense of pride, and this night-of- nights is just one occasion when  we really can show off with justification.   Derek and I now live in Sydney so we couldn't be there on Saturday, 14th September, however last evening (Sunday) watching the occasion on UKTV found me tear- stained, opening our patio doors and turning up the television  sound to it fullest. . . Well, ,Australia loves the Queen too, even if at the moment we Brits are tactful when  the cricket is in our favour!!!  And until that long distant day when Australia becomes  a Republic why not?     Cheers Julia