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Monday, October 26, 2015

Meat causes cancer?

Interesting follow-up to the contention that eating meat casuses cancer:

German University Revelation
Dr Heinz Strabismus, Proffessor Emerius of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, sprang today to the defence of the Australian sausage.
‘The idea that this so exzellent meat has any effect upon the health is an unverschämte Dummheit,ʼ he declared. ʽI have sausages sent each week by Herren David Jones of Sydney and consume them regularly, and my Gesundheit is the envy of the population of Arnis.'
This declartion follows his announcement last week that ‘It is now absolut verifizierbaren that eating strawberries results in deafness.‘
Asked whether he was stating this as a warning to refrain from consuming strawberries, he replied:‘Sicherlich! This Erdbeere is of all the fruits the most calamitous. We have discovered over many years research that innumerable persons over the age of 85 who suffer from increasing deafness have consumed the strawberries during their lifetime, and see the result! Es ist nicht zu leugnen!ʼ
Under pressure the Herr Doctor admitted that deafness in those of middle age was not as frequent as in the aged, but argued that this was because they could not afford sufficient quantities of strawberries. He advised those who could not refrain from the fruit to consume it with large quantities of rich cream This might result in death from heart disease, but he asked, ʽHave you ever heard of a dead person who has contracted deafness?ʼ
Woolworths and Coles are said to be independently courting Dr Strabismus as an international adviser on the relationship between food and health.

from the 'Arnis Unabhängige Echo' [Independent Echo] October 27 2015

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