In the current issue of Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten Dr Heinz Strabismus, Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, reveals why Japanese whaling in the southern hemisphere is not only defensible but should be supported by every responsible Government.
ʽI have received highly secret information from my distinguished colleague Professor Nikitini Funi, Professor of Geheime Whaling at the University of Utaskinai, Sorachi Sub-Prefecture, Hokkaido, which he believes I should release to the wider world to contradict the assertion that Japanese whaling is not devoted to korrekte Forschung. On the contrary, over two hundred students at the University of Utaskinai have over the past ten years consumed over seven thousand kilos of whale meat as part of ongoing Forschung into the problem of human Aufstoßen, known in vulgären englischen Sprache, as the ʽburpingʼʽ
Dr Strabismus asserts that his Japanese colleague is about to publish results which show indisputably (unbestreitbar) that the consumption of whale meat has no effect upon human flatulence. ʽNo-one can fail to see the enormen Wert of this conclusion,ʼ he writes, ʽor contend that the deaths of thousands of whales has been without value.‘
It appears that Professor Funi’s next project is to examine the effect of the over-consumption of whale meat on the auditory nerve: he contends that when a human has eaten more than a tonne of whale meat in a single year, he is completely unable to hear music played in the key of E flat.
ʽI call on all men of guter Wille to cease this stupid campaign against whaling, and to support the important reserach for the furtherance of which our colleagues in Japan depend on the deaths of these dumm und nutzlos Tiere,ʼ he writes.
For further informantion please consult the Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten, pp.374-5. columns 1114-1744, issue No. 47 of November 28, 2015, published University of Arnis at €400.