In the current issue of Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten Dr Heinz Strabismus,
Professor Emeritus of Clinical Pathology at the University of Arnis, Schleswig-Fleisburg, reveals
why Japanese whaling in the southern hemisphere is not only defensible but
should be supported by every responsible Government.
ʽI have received highly secret information
from my distinguished colleague Professor Nikitini Funi, Professor of Geheime Whaling at the University of Utaskinai,
Sorachi Sub-Prefecture, Hokkaido, which he believes I should release to the
wider world to contradict the assertion that Japanese whaling is not devoted to
korrekte Forschung. On the
contrary, over two hundred students at the University of Utaskinai have over the
past ten years consumed over seven thousand kilos of whale meat as part of ongoing
Forschung into the problem of human Aufstoßen, known in vulgären englischen
Sprache, as the ʽburpingʼʽ
Dr Strabismus asserts that his Japanese
colleague is about to publish results which show indisputably (unbestreitbar) that the
consumption of whale meat has no effect upon human flatulence. ʽNo-one can fail
to see the enormen Wert of
this conclusion,ʼ he writes, ʽor contend that the deaths of thousands of whales
has been without value.‘
It appears that Professor Funi’s next project
is to examine the effect of the over-consumption of whale meat on the auditory
nerve: he contends that when a human has eaten more than a tonne of whale meat
in a single year, he is completely unable to hear music played in the key of E
flat.
ʽI call on all men of guter Wille to cease this stupid campaign against whaling,
and to support the important reserach
for the furtherance of which our colleagues in Japan depend on the deaths of
these dumm und nutzlos Tiere,ʼ he writes.
For further informantion please consult the Blatt Lächerlich Streitigkeiten, pp.374-5. columns 1114-1744,
issue No. 47 of November 28, 2015, published University of Arnis at €400.
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