Mark Twain On Masturbation: Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism.
Homer, in the second book of the Iliad, says with fine enthusiasm: ‘Give me masturbation or give me death!’
Caesar, in his Commentaries, says, “to the lonely it is company; to the forsaken it is a friend; to the aged and impotent it is a benefactor; they that be penniless are yet rich in that they still have this majestic diversion.’ In another place this excellent observer has said, ‘There are times when I prefer it to sodomy.’
Robinson Crusoe says, ‘I cannot describe what I owe to this gentle art.’
Queen Elizabeth said, ‘It is the bulwark of virginity.’
Cetewayo, the Zulu hero, remarked that ‘A jerk in the hand is worth two in the bush.’
The immortal Franklin has said, ‘Masturbation is the mother of invention.’ He also said, ‘Masturbation is the best policy.’
Michelangelo and all the other Old Masters have used similar language. Michelangelo said to Pope Julius II, ‘Self-negation is manly, self-culture is beneficent, self-possession is manly, but to the truly great and inspiring soul they are poor and tame compared to self-abuse.’
Mr Browning, in one of his latest and most graceful poems refers to it in an eloquent line which is destined to live to the end of time: ‘None know it but to love it, None name it but to praise.’
Such are the utterances of the most illustrious of the masters of this renowned science.