Do anonymous ladies and gentlemen telephone you from time to time to warn you that your computer is dangerously faulty, and you should hand it over to them immediately and pay a large fee to have them repair it? Here's a way to get rid of them: I simply ask, 'Oh, are you the people who provide my porn channel? I've been wanting to contact you.' There's a stunned silence; before they can start again, you go on: 'Really the porn has been getting very mild lately - there's more exciting porn in The Daily Telegraph. Could you please send me some stronger stuff?' The noise of someone having some kind of nervous attack is heard. 'Maybe', you say, 'you need to see what you've been sending me recently. If you give me your email address I'll send you a copy of The Bishop Meets Miss Whip . . .'
There is a click from the other end as the receiver is hurriedly replaced.
Honestly - it works.