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Sunday, May 17, 2015

Cure for piles

A man has had bad pains in his bum. A friend says it's piles, so he applies various creams which do no good. Another friend says, 'No, creams are useless. What you want to do is have a cup of tea then take the tea leaves and put them up your arse. It"s like a poultice. Does the trick in no time.' So whenever the man has a cup of tea he puts the leaves up his arse. No joy. When at the end of the week he's no better he goes to the doctor. The doctor tells him to take his trousers down, looks up his bum, and says, 'Yes. Well, there are two things to say, One is that you're right, you do have piles. And the other is that you're going on a loing journey.'

The luckiest man in the world

A man buys a green bottle at a car-boot sale.He rubs it. Out pops a genie and offers him one wish. The man asks to be the luckiest man in the world. The wish is granted and the genie disappears. Next week the man wins millions on the lotto and takes his mates out to celebrate. He explains about his luck, but they don't believe him, saying 'Right, if you're so lucky. try pulling that beautiful Indian bird.'So the man goes over and chats her up and sure enough she's all over him; they go back to her place and have a wonderful time. In the morning he wakes up and looks down at her beautiful naked body and thinks how lucky he is. She is still fast asleep, and as he gazes at her sleeping face he sees the little red spot she has on her forehead. Gently he scractehs it - and wins a Renault 5.